148. How to Tell Your Boss They Messed Up So They Actually Fix Their Mistakes

In this episode, you'll discover a crucial skill set for speaking up the chain of command when you're upset. Your organization has made a decision you don't understand, maybe implemented something that doesn't make sense, and you've had to step in and take actions to save the day. How do you talk to your boss in a way that lets you say what needs to be said and their knickers not get in a twist? Check it out.

The Challenge of Giving Feedback to Leadership

In this episode, you'll discover how to speak to your boss in a way that doesn't challenge their ego, that gets the two of you on the same page, and allows you to give them the feedback they need because they just made a decision or took an action that has harmed the front line. You're closer to the front line than they are. You know this didn't make sense and was implemented incorrectly, and you want to give that feedback in a way that actually changes things for the better. Here's one way to do it that works almost every time.

Why Leaders Resist Feedback

Hello again. Dr. Dike Drummond here and the latest edition of the Stop Physician Burnout Podcast from our home on the web at TheHappyMD.com.

This is an exciting episode for me because what I see a lot of times is that a doctor in the front lines, a frontline leader, sees a decision the organization makes or an action that they take that doesn't make any sense. You clean up the mess yourself, but you may be very hesitant to speak to your boss because in the past, perhaps you've communicated in a way that the boss got upset or didn't listen to your feedback, even though you know that your feedback is needed to make the organization a better place, and it's spot on.

Now, why is this experience of trying to communicate the truth up the chain of command so often met with resistance? Well, what you're saying to the person up the chain of command from you is that, "Hey, this didn't work, you blew it or didn't think about it. And I'm just letting you know," and that's a challenge to that person's ego.

Ego is a fragile thing, but anytime you tell a leader that something happened that didn't work or damaged trust, they will take it as a personal affront.

The Values First Approach

So what I'm going to teach you is a technique that I'm going to call values first.

Here's the key: anytime a decision or an action makes you shake your head, or is upsetting or makes you question, "What were they thinking?" what's happened is that that action or that decision has clashed with values that you hold dear.

What we notice on the surface is the upset it causes and our desire to communicate that upset to somebody who should have known better. However, what I would ask you to do is take a breath and look inside and ask yourself, what values has this decision or this action violated?

The reason you need to know these values is because those are what you would want to lead off the conversation with your boss.

Example: A Compensation Formula Rollout

Let me give you a couple of examples. I recently worked with a client whose organization is rolling out a change to the compensation formula in a really poor fashion. They're changing the compensation formula for the second time in two years but not giving a reason why they're changing it or what they hope the change will produce in terms of profitability or compensation to the doctor.

My client is near a senior leadership position, so he's witnessed the CFO attempt to explain the compensation formula to three different subsets of the leadership team in practice presentations and fail miserably each time. Now he wants to roll it out to all the providers.

In examining the values that are violated by this clumsy, black-box approach to a compensation formula that makes no sense, he realizes that the values being violated are truth, transparency, and fairness.

The penalty will be a complete loss of trust on behalf of the frontline providers.

How to Lead the Conversation with Values

In a completely unconscious state, you might go up to the CFO and say, "Hey, your presentation sucks. Don't do that," or something along those lines. These kinds of things happen all the time.

But my recommendation is that you lead the conversation with your values.

Example:

Let's say that the CFO’s name is Chuck.

"Chuck, thanks for your time. I know you're really busy, and I just want you and I to get on the same page to start. Several of the things that I hold valuable, some values to me that are very important, are transparency—telling the truth at all times, fairness—making sure that the compensation formula specifically is fair to everyone, and that everybody knows if you put this compensation formula in play exactly what it will do to their salary, and trust—I want to be able to trust that you're revealing everything to me in this discussion of compensation, including what effect you want the compensation formula change to have on our performance or our compensation."

Now I have set the context, the framework, the foundation. I've pre-framed everything that follows, and I want to check to see if there's a match.

So I'd ask some questions like this:

• "What's your relationship to those values?"

• "How important do you feel those values are?"

• "Are those values you want to project to our frontline workers yourself during this presentation?"

Or some other phrase to get their feedback on your values list.

Checking for Alignment Before Giving Feedback

Once you've got consensus that those values are important, you can then give your feedback in an effort to more effectively convey those values to the people.

So:

"Chuck, now that we agree that those values are important, let me give you some feedback on your presentation that will help you express those values more effectively."

You will also very quickly learn whether or not your values harmonize with the values of your CFO and how you might need to modify your conversations with this person in the future to find that place where the Venn diagram of your values overlaps with the Venn diagram of theirs.

Naming Your Emotions Without Becoming Them

Another key tip is if, in these conversations, emotions come up for you—especially negative ones like anger or frustration—name your emotion, don’t become it.

Let me give you an example of that:

"Well, Chuck, I got to let you know now that we're on the same page on values, that when I see what happens in your presentations, a lot of frustration comes up for me. And as I look around the room, there's a lot of frustration in everybody who's listening there."

I expressed the frustration. I put it into our relationship, but I did not become frustrated.

That's a way to get your feelings acknowledged without upsetting anybody.

When to Use This Feedback Approach

The other time that you'll want to give this feedback values first is when an action step was taken by the organization without you knowing about it, and you have to actually come in and take action to save the day.

There was a trust-busting action that took place without a lot of thought from the people up the chain of command, and you have to come in and either apologize for it or compensate for it.

To clean up the mess and give feedback back up the chain:

1. Take a moment to decide what values were violated.

2. Rehearse the first 30 seconds of your conversation to get alignment on values before you proceed.

3. Name your emotions, but don’t become them.

Final Thoughts

Values first when you're upset.

Values first to get the alignment.

Then, give the feedback and notice, too, the valuable information you discover if it turns out that your values don't perfectly align with those of your boss.

That's it for today. Keep breathing.

Until I'm with you on the next podcast—have a great rest of your day.