Episode 124
124. Angry? Don’t Blow Up in Leadership Meetings, Here's Exactly What to Say Instead
Have you ever felt a surge of anger or frustration in a physician leadership meeting, as if the very core of your values was being tested?
What if you could transform that reaction into a powerful force for clarity and growth, guiding the team toward deeper alignment and integrity?
In physician leadership, emotions like frustration and anger often arise when hypocrisy or imbalances between profit and people come to light. These moments, though challenging, are opportunities for profound growth and transformation.
This episode explores how to harness these emotions, turning them into tools for wisdom, integrity, and positive change. You’ll discover how to stay grounded, communicate effectively, and become a beacon of balance and ethical clarity, even when conversations seem to veer off course.
~~ Identify the triggers that spark powerful emotions and learn to recognize them as signals for necessary change.
~~ Master techniques to express your emotions with grace and wisdom, maintaining your credibility and influence.
~~ Cultivate the ability to guide discussions toward balance, honoring both profit and people, and transforming conflicts into opportunities for deeper alignment and growth.
Listen to this episode to learn how to turn moments of emotional challenge into stepping stones for your evolution as a physician leader—grounding yourself in integrity and elevating the people you serve.
Transcript
Have you ever been in a serious leadership conversation when, suddenly, the hair on the back of your neck stood up, and you felt things going off the rails? That surge of frustration, anger, or even fury is unmistakable. You know something is wrong, and if you're not careful, those emotions might lead you to say or do something that damages your leadership credibility.
In today's episode, I’m going to show you:
The specific topics that trigger these intense emotions for physician leaders.
What to say and what not to say to guide the conversation back to a balanced resolution.
How to recognize and manage your emotions so you can maintain your influence and leadership effectiveness.
Let’s get started.
Why Physician Leaders Lose Their Temper
Physician leaders are known for losing their temper during conversations up the chain of command. Why does this happen? There are two main triggers for these negative emotions:
Hypocrisy
Imbalance in the Polarity of Healthcare
1. Hypocrisy
Physicians have a visceral reaction to hypocrisy. Hypocrisy occurs when the organization’s mission statement says one thing, but the actions and decisions reflect something completely different.
I always recommend having a copy of your organization’s mission statement visible in senior meetings. This allows you to point out hypocrisy in a clear, undeniable way. When you see the discussion diverging from the mission, you’ll likely feel your frustration rising.
Typical Reaction to Hypocrisy:
You might feel the urge to loosen your collar, pound the table, or accuse others of having "manure for brains." But reacting this way will damage trust and your credibility as a leader.
2. Imbalance in the Polarity of Healthcare
The second trigger is when conversations reflect an imbalance in the core polarity of healthcare. What is a polarity? It’s a concept from leadership theory where two seemingly opposite forces are actually interdependent and need to be balanced.
In healthcare, the key polarity is:
Profit vs. People (patients and providers)
Money vs. Meaning
When discussions lean entirely toward profit at the expense of people, it creates a sense of imbalance that can trigger strong negative emotions in physician leaders.
How to Handle These Triggers
When you feel these emotions bubbling up, follow these steps to stay composed and guide the conversation back on track:
Identify the Trigger
Ask yourself:
Is this hypocrisy?
Is this an imbalance between profit and people?
Breathe and Center Yourself
Pause, take a deep breath, and calm yourself. Recognize the emotion without acting on it.
Use the "Curious and Confused" Technique
Instead of reacting aggressively, channel your emotions into curiosity. Here's what to say:
“Hey, Chuck, I noticed that the mission statement says X, but we’re doing Y. That makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m curious. I’m confused. Maybe you can help me out here. What’s that about?”
Commit to Silence After You Speak
After posing the question, don’t speak again. Let the other person respond. The longer the pause, the more thoughtful the answer is likely to be.
Express Your Emotions Without Becoming Them
It’s okay to name your emotions—just don’t become them. Here’s how to communicate what you’re feeling without losing control:
Example: “Chuck, as we talk about this, I’m noticing a lot of anger coming up for me. Are you noticing that too?”
This allows you to express your feelings calmly while inviting the other person to reflect. You remain composed and maintain your influence.
Putting It All Together
When you combine these techniques, it might sound like this:
“Chuck, I noticed when we started talking about the budget, the hair went up on the back of my neck. I’m feeling kind of frustrated, like maybe we’re getting off track. I don’t know—I’m curious. I’m confused. Could you help me understand what’s going on here?”
This approach helps you stay in the conversation, address the issue, and maintain trust.
Key Tips for Physician Leaders
Notice Your Emotions:
When you feel upset, ask yourself if hypocrisy or imbalance is the cause.
Name Your Emotions:
Express what you’re feeling without acting out.
Stay Curious:
Use the “curious and confused” technique to invite discussion rather than confrontation.
Avoid Aggression:
Don’t pound the table, storm out, or challenge authority directly. These actions harm your credibility.
Balancing Influence and Integrity
As physician leaders, we bridge the gap between frontline care and executive decision-making. We need to stay composed, even in heated discussions, to maintain our influence and advocate for balance between profit and people.
Final Thoughts
These techniques are essential for managing emotions and maintaining your leadership effectiveness. If you’d like to explore these strategies further and unlock your full potential as a physician leader, I offer discovery sessions to help you on your leadership journey.
Check the show notes for a link to schedule a session, and let’s discuss what’s possible.
Until next time, keep breathing and have a great day!
